It has been 5 months into the year of 2017.  And at this period of time, it's safe to say that God is testing me.  From the semi-decent first-half grade to my sadist lecturers and all sorts of events RIGHT SMACK before my final exam.


However, this is a test that I kept telling myself that I can't fail no matter how the odds seemed to be against me.  Truth be told, I can't blame anyone else for myself procrastinating and squandering whatever precious time that could have been dedicated to studying or maybe even just covering one chapter of material.  Perhaps this may just be hormones or me being an over-emotional twat again but I can't help but feel depressed at this turn of events; I needed to get this out of my system so I can start and focus on my revision in peace.


University has been a memorable and eye-opening experience.  I could say that during this period, my growth and level of maturity shot up exponentially though the inner kid never died.  But this had happened at the expense of giving up naivety and breaking the rose-tinted glasses.

On that, I'd like to mention that there were two turning points in my university life.  One when I was ripped from everything I knew and forcibly thrown into a vortex of chaos in June 2015; and the other in the last December.

At one point when I talked with my OP as fuck CHEM lab partner again and consulted him for advice, he asked me if I see you as a friend or someone who would become a memory.  It's sad to say that I obviously didn't matter as much to you as I thought I would be.  I've tried to understand your circumstances and help you wherever I can but you took advantage of that.  And in the end, you got what you deserved.  But good for you.  You've passed the module anyway.  Nonetheless, your behaviour had successfully proven two things: one, that you get complacent and can't be trusted to do your work properly once you think there's someone around who got your back; and two, that you don't respect people, the works of others and the trust that people place in you.


But I've seen enough.  It's just sad that at the end of the finishing line, I'm standing by myself and not with any of you.  Don't get me wrong though: I don't hate you.  You've merely reinforced the point that having faith in people is only going to let your feelings get trampled on.  But where do feelings even stand on society, right?  Yeah, fuck my feelings.  What matters is just that we get through, isn't it?


Maybe all I need is just a good cry or a few days away from you after all this.  As melodramatic as I sound, all of you weary me.  Furthermore at this point I don't think that ANY of us are really true friends at all.  We are all merely just friends of convenience.  You're not friends with me; you're friends with what I have.  Sadly, this is just how the world works.  One good thing, though; is that all the more it makes you cherish those few people that you truly call friends.


For now, the only things I wish for is the fortitude and discipline to get through this last lap in one piece and also for no regrets.  It has been a hard period so far; and here's to wishing that it'd get better.  Meanwhile, let's just grit our teeth and plough through the month.